My fiance's family is dying to see the baby... (she is not born yet). I understand that they are excited, I want to have people over when me, my fiance and the baby are ready. He thinks when we get home from the hospital is ok but I want to wait a week or two before we have everybody coming to see her. They have waited 9 months, I dont think it will kill them to wait a week or two more. How long is too long to have them wait to see her?

asked 18 Mar '11, 12:58

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meana640
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edited 18 Apr '11, 22:49

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Tammy ♦♦
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I guess my answer will not be popular, but maybe this question is not the actual question you should be asking.

The real question I think is: Why do I not want them to see the baby right away?

(18 Mar '11, 14:33) Alexander

Well done for asking this!

(18 Mar '11, 16:26) Emi
1

How many people are we talking about? 1 or 2 is very different from a huge extended family. Also, are they local or will they be flying in?

(19 Mar '11, 10:26) Kiesa ♦

I get this, I really do, I understand that you probably want time to get used to being a family.

But, I'd ask my fiance if it's going to really hurt someone in his family's feelings if you put off introducing them to the new baby. (And it will probably be his Mom, maybe his Dad, but probably his Mom.) If he thinks it will cause problems, have them plan a short party at your house for an hour, maybe two, on the day you come home from the hospital, (and do not entertain them, your only job is to produce a baby to be cooed over and sit on your butt and be told how very clever you are for producing such a treasure, it's their job to provide and fetch their own food and drink! Which is why you get them to plan the party) and then get him to send them home with instructions that the two of you have decided to just spend the next two weeks alone with the baby and you'll call if you need them.

I guess what I'm trying to say is you're going to have to deal with your fiance's family for the rest of your life, don't give them an excuse to be ticked off. Don't roll over and let them walk all over you, but throw them a bone. You won't get any credit for it (except from your fiance, and that's definately worth something), but if someone get's their feelings hurt, you will definately get the blame. I've seen it happen to friends of mine, and it's never fair, and it can get really ugly, and it would be nice if everybody would understand and respect your choices, but that just doesn't always happen.

Or, your fiance may come from a family that is actually composed of grown-ups who act like grown-ups and it won't be a problem. In that case, two weeks is fine, the baby is more alert and charming, you'll probably feel physically a lot better and be more than ready for someone to make a fuss. Still, make them bring the food and drink and talk your best girl-friend into coming over and helping you tidy up. Until it actually happens in your home, you will not believe the mess a small person who can't even move can generate.

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answered 19 Mar '11, 03:04

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Neen
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Really great comments!

(21 Mar '11, 07:46) Emi

Before I had our first daughter I didn't want anybody visiting while we were in the hospital. I thought it would be too stressful and possibly intrusive while I was exhausted, healing, and trying to learn to breastfeed. However, after having gone through it twice now, it is honestly really boring in the hospital and the distraction of visitors was nice.

EDIT: I should add that the visiting hours at our hospital are limited so there was plenty of time to rest in between.

As for visitors at home that would depend on how comfortable you are with the people that are visiting. That being said, from my experience and the experience of many of my female friends, the new mom will most likely need someone around to help her in the first couple of weeks, especially if dad can't be there all the time, and sometimes even if he is it's nice to have extra hands. Ideally that person is someone who is happy to take care of things like cooking meals, laundry, etc.. while mom concentrates on the baby and her recovery.

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answered 18 Mar '11, 22:15

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edited 21 Jun '11, 10:11

3

I agree. If they want to be very involved, maybe you could make up a list of things that will need to be done and have relatives volunteer for certain duties stressing how much this will help your family out. Whatever you decide, make sure that you are not responsible for anything other than the baby and getting enough sleep.

(19 Mar '11, 10:30) Kiesa ♦
2

In the hospital is better, because then if it gets to be too much, the nursing staff can help get people to understand that you and baby need rest.

(20 Mar '11, 17:24) mkcoehoorn

With our first child, family (and even some friends) visited while still at the hospital. We definitely won't do it like that for our future children (if we have more) - it's way too stressful.

Simply go with how the mother feels. If she feels strong enough, invite people over. If not, they will understand it too.

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answered 18 Mar '11, 19:00

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brandstaetter
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Well said brandstaetter...

(19 Mar '11, 12:26) Emi

In my husband & my families its tradition to visit at the hospital, or to even be there waiting while the baby is born. Even after having a c-section for my twins & having one baby in the NICU, I still found that I preferred them to come and visit at the hospital as everyone tends to back off once they've met the new addition. At the hospital, my husband & I were on such an adrenaline rush and there was always a nurse/doctor in the room bothering us anyway, that it was fine to have company in the room.

It is much easier to have them visit at the hospital than to have them show up at your house. Once you get home, exhaustion sets in, your house is a mess, you haven't gotten groceries in weeks and people show up unannounced and then you have to try to find something to give them to drink/eat, try to hide the mess and try to "politely" get them out the door once they've overstayed their welcome. At the hospital, they tend to keep their visit short and have no expectations of you.

Its just a suggestion, but I think you should try to let them see the baby in the hospital, then once you get home, let them know that you won't be having any visitors for a month while you & your husband adjust to the new addition. This way, they've met the baby, the excitement has passed and you won't anger any family members by making them wait any longer. Good luck.

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answered 19 Mar '11, 08:48

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Shannon B
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+1 I agree it's much easier to have visitors at the hospital

(19 Mar '11, 13:47) Tammy ♦♦

I think "too long" is a little vague. It won't kill them if they have to wait longer.

It sounds like you're not comfortable with it. I can't personally speak to that.

I can tell you that our close family met our children within about 2 days of birth (they visited in the hospital).

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answered 18 Mar '11, 16:45

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Scott ♦♦
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I get where you are coming from. You need to recover from the labor and you and your partner are going to need to settle into a groove without feeling like you need to play host and hostess.

My friend was bombarded with guests at the hospital and even at home. She is very protective of baby so she didn't like to leave baby alone with anybody (not even husband or her parents) so she never got to rest. If you are feeling protective, talk to your fiancee for support so he can help you save face. It's most important to keep the peace at your own home so definitely establish a middle ground.

But you definitely need to recover after the labor.

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answered 24 Mar '11, 15:53

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Rhea
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There is no right or wrong answer to this question. It will depend on the kind of person you are, the kind of family you come from and the kind of delivery experience you end up having. I definitely did not want people waiting at the hospital for me to give birth. We really enjoyed those first few hours with our children.

To explain about delivery experince here is my experince. My first child was born in the middle of night (by Emergency C-section) and we had visitors at the hospital that day. Most didn't stay for long and I was on a high so was really pleased to see people. I ended up being in hospital for 6 days and people didn't realise I was still at hospital so for a few days we saw no one and that was really boring.

With my second child she was also born in the middle of the night by emergency C-section but under rather stressful circumstances and I said no visitors that day please. My husband did come up with our son for a little while but I wasn't up to any other visitors. They came over the next few days.

Once you are home if you need a rest turn off the phone and ignore the door. When people visit let them make themselves (and you) a drink. I had people who came bearing food (they are the visitors you want to see).

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answered 29 Mar '11, 19:43

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K D
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It really depends on what you want yourself.

This is how it happened with our son.

On the day he was born, our(=my wife and I) parents, brothers and sisters, and some close friend and families dropped by (12 persons more or less) around 19h00 They only stayed 15 minutes and then I kicked them out, cause my wife had to pee but she couldn't and needed some medical help.

The next 4 days in the hospital, we almost always had visitors. My wife really wasn't able to rest.

And when we came home, no-one visited. And we were really happy with that, cause we really needed some time to adapt to our new situation.

And after 4 months we threw a party for 150 people to come and see the baby and drink a glass of beer :-)

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answered 25 Mar '11, 07:03

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Asked: 18 Mar '11, 12:58

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Last updated: 21 Jun '11, 10:11