I would really like to wait a while before inviting my parents to see our baby. Here is why. Please tell me what you think.

My mother is very stressful to be around. She makes the simplest thing a big production and worries about how everything will turn out instead of enjoying the day. She treats me like a child and I am 26 years old (Makes sure I don't make a mistake and lectures me when I make risky decision.) She makes me feel negative and kills the fun out of everything. If things do not go exactly as planned she doesn't know what to do with herself. I like to go with the flow and just kick back and have a good time. I end up so stressed out every time we visit each other. My mother told me (a few days before my wedding) that she could not wait until my wedding was over because it was so stressful for her. I ended up having to avoid her on my wedding day just so that I was not irritated and could have a good time with my husband.

I now live 5,000 miles away from my family, so my mom (and dad) would have to stay with us in our house when they come. We have been wanting a baby for a while now and when the baby is born we want to enjoy every minute of it. We (my husband can't stand her personality) do not want my mother to come before we are able to get out of the homes and do things (with the baby...a walk, grocery shopping, just anything out of the house). Hanging around the house with me all day stresses me out without having a baby. I can't imagine what the stress will be like when I have such a huge adjustment like that to make while being on a limited about of sleep. Also, I would like to feel comfortable breast feeding and taking care of the baby so that my mother doesn't start telling me what to do and how to do it (Leads to arguing and tension- not good for us or the baby) We would like time to figure out what works for US on our own. She has never let me be independent, however we are both very independent people. We feel a great deal of satifaction from figuring things out on our own.

We would like to wait about 3 months before my mother visits. That way, I would be sleeping a lot more and be more able to handle her stressful personality. There would have been time for us to figure thing out and adjust in a stressfree environment. When she does come we would be able to spend more time out of the house. Do I have a point? Am I over reacting? Please help.

asked 20 Jun '11, 18:45

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edited 20 Jun '11, 20:33

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(20 Jun '11, 20:33) Scott ♦♦

I would say that one of the best things you can do is have a heart-to-heart conversation with your mother and just be very candid about your feelings. In other words, if you haven't already done so, tell her what you told us here.

You could be very frank and explain that part of you doesn't want her to visit right away because you're concerned that she will not allow you to be yourself and learn how to be a mom on your own. You could lay out some ground rules about what her role will be and what it won't be.

I don't know if your mom will be able to handle hearing that, but since you're considering a waiting period of three months anyway, at least she would have the opportunity to try and change some of her behavior.

I know it sounds like I'm siding with your mother, and I guess I have an ulterior motive. My own mother-in-law died last May and even though she was controlling, opinionated, and sometimes just plain rude, I really miss her and wish she could have been here for the birth of our second daughter. So if you decide to make her wait, which absolutely I think is your prerogative, be sure that you've considered all options so there are no regrets later.

I will add this, nobody loved my daughter as much as my mother-in-law. It's possible your mom will be the same way.


answered 21 Jun '11, 03:15

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Asked: 20 Jun '11, 18:45

Seen: 2,828 times

Last updated: 21 Jun '11, 03:15