When the children are mobile and able to barge in, how do you make sure you can get privacy for intimate time together? Locking the door only invites knocks (and a jiggling doorknob is kinda a mood killer). Waiting until after everyone's asleep means we're exhausted too. How do you ensure that you can have privacy for intimacy and sex and not feel like you're always about to get interrupted?

asked 17 Oct '09, 22:07

Dinah's gravatar image

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edited 21 Oct '09, 17:59


Perhaps teach the kid that if you knock on a locked door and you don't get an answer, go do something else and come back later.

(18 Oct '09, 14:07) Mark

Definitely lock the door. We just got back from a marriage conference where the speaker said that before marriage his wife told him that Redbook said married couples have sex 2.4x/week and he couldn't figure out where the .4 came from. When their son was 4-ish, one time the couple was in medias res and the son came in their room and said, "can I wrestle too." "That's where the .4 comes in," he said.

(21 Oct '09, 13:37) Dinah

12next »

Aside from the other answers (ie. wait until bedtime) you can be a bit more creative. Send the kid(s) to a friend/grandparent/babysitter's house and have "date night" at home. ;-)


answered 18 Oct '09, 06:04

KPW's gravatar image

accept rate: 25%

We've thought about doing this. :)

(18 Oct '09, 06:21) Sabrina

I've heard this a lot and to be honest I've scoffed at it in the past, but I'm beginning to take the idea more seriously.

(19 Oct '09, 13:01) Dinah

We generally wait until they're asleep, but when we're feeling particularly randy, we'll tell them that we're going upstairs to talk for a bit and that they're to watch one of their favorite movies or TV shows. It generally works.


answered 18 Oct '09, 03:38

bbrown's gravatar image

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Remembering my childhood... shudder

(18 Oct '09, 13:15) Scott ♦♦

@Scott: oh it's not that bad to see your parents have sex. Eventually you're old enough to drink and can kill those brain cells forever ;)

(19 Oct '09, 13:02) Dinah

+1 for saying randy.

(13 Nov '09, 13:47) epaga

After everyone's asleep or nap time are pretty much your only options. It can help to plan a little bit ahead of time so you make sure you're not quite as exhausted after the kids are asleep.


answered 17 Oct '09, 22:19

Brien's gravatar image

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Until the kids are bigger bedtime is the only time. I know I can't trust my kids in the house without me. You could always get a babysitter for a few hours, have them stay at the babysitters house or park or something.


answered 17 Oct '09, 23:17

Mommy%20trial%20and%20error's gravatar image

Mommy trial and error
accept rate: 4%


lol, at first I was thinking when you said "park" you meant having a rendezvou with your husband in a parked car! hehe Now I see you meant having the babysitter take your kids to an outdoor park.

(18 Oct '09, 06:19) Sabrina

We either wait until bedtime, or we send them to their grandparents house for the night.


answered 17 Oct '09, 23:26

mkcoehoorn's gravatar image

accept rate: 8%

Wait, you mean you're supposed to continue to have sex AFTER you have kids? Oh, well in that case, I can tell you (being a former kid) that you should not do it when the kids are in the house, unless they're little, like < 4 years old. Hearing (or seeing, bah!) your parents have sex is confusing and something kids may never forget.

On a related note, assume that nothing in the house is hidden from your kids. They're smart, curious and sneaky little critters.


answered 18 Oct '09, 16:15

Jeremy%20Ross's gravatar image

Jeremy Ross
accept rate: 20%


Seeing is easy to solve -- lock the door. Hearing -- you can keep the noise level down and still enjoy things. If you really can't control your noise, invest in a babysitter who will take the kid out a couple times a week while you play. I'm not sure I buy the premise that merely being aware (even occasionally hearing) that parents have sex is damaging. It's certainly better than being in a house where the adults have no intimacy, or growing up with the belief that a healthy sex life (particularly with a spouse) is in any way shameful.

(21 Oct '09, 03:39) lgritz

I grew up in a house where my dad not only gave my mom lingerie for Christmas but he put it under the tree for her to open in front of me and my brother. I can't say that it ever scarred me. To a certain extent, kids need to know that their parents still care for each other in a sexual way. I'm not saying you should invite them into the room to watch, but they do need to know that sex is normal for a married couple.

(22 Oct '09, 15:21) mkcoehoorn

I think this all comes down to your parenting philosophy. Who runs the house? The parents or the kids. If it's the parents, then setting expectations that if the door is locked the parents are busy and the kids need to play on their own.

In my house however, we've always waited until the kids are asleep, either for naps or at night. But we do lock the door just in case. Of course the oldest, 4yo, knows that he's not supposed to wander the house at night either. So, put the kids down and lock the bedroom door.

It's important to make the time for sex. It's just better for everyone in the house.


answered 20 Oct '09, 15:18

notorious2tall's gravatar image

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edited 20 Oct '09, 15:24

Same as a previous poster. We wait until bedtime, send them to the grandparents overnight, or when they are all in school we wait until then. It's all about scheduling. And doing it even if you don't want to. ;)


answered 17 Oct '09, 23:33

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edited 10 Nov '09, 20:19

Dinah's gravatar image


Wait until they're asleep (maybe you're tired, but make it a priority or try to nap earlier in the day while the kid is also napping), and then lock the door! Whatever you do, do not sacrifice the intimacy of your marriage!


answered 21 Oct '09, 03:34

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Sign the kids up for after school sports that don't require you to be present.


answered 18 Oct '09, 14:10

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Asked: 17 Oct '09, 22:07

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Last updated: 10 Nov '09, 20:58