I have just started leaving my infant (3-months-old) at daycare and am told by the day-mom that she cries a lot when she is put down and the only way to comfort her and stop her from crying is to carry her. This is frustrating her day-mom who also looks after another infant the same age who doesn't do this.

All the usual things like diaper and feed have been checked. i.e. baby is dry and clean and fed.

At home she sometimes does this but it seems that not as much as at day care.

Any ideas why she might be doing this or ideas about solving this?

asked 22 Oct '09, 15:35

Prea's gravatar image

accept rate: 0%

Please let us know what or if anything works. Best of luck!

(23 Oct '09, 12:57) Dinah

If she's crying when you leave: what I've seen work well (when we met, my spouse ran a church nursery): distract her and sneak away. Bubbles work great for this. Be forewarned, even if this works sometimes when you come back they may start crying when they suddenly realize you were gone until then.

If it's not a matter of you leaving but is an issue of her needing to be held, um, hate to sound obvious but: she needs to be held. We don't always get a vote in how they respond to us. Each baby is unique. If your nursery is not willing to do this or is not staffed well-enough to meet this need, maybe you can find an alternative solution, but maybe the options are: crying baby or different nursery.

Edit: as pointed out by Tammy, there is some controversy and opposition to the 1st suggestion (sneaking) -- see here and here.

My advice comes from my own limited personal experience. At least in the one venue I witnessed it, it worked, it worked well, it worked repeatedly, and it worked and reliably. I'm not going to call any experts wrong but in light of my own personal experiences, I'm also going to continue to recommend this as at least one possible solution. This was a Sunday-school nursery and maybe it's different because they only needed to be distracted for an hour. Maybe because of the small sample set or because of the homogeneity of those who attended that church this just happened to work in one place but isn't transferable. But the fact is, it did work to the joy of the parents and of the nursery workers and the children seemed unphased. Caveat emptor.


answered 22 Oct '09, 15:51

Dinah's gravatar image

accept rate: 15%

edited 23 Oct '09, 11:33


I know that has been a common practice; however, everything I have read says to never sneak away if your child is experiencing separation anxiety. That will increase the fear as Mommy or Daddy just disapears on them when they turn their backs. You should say a quick (not prolonged) good-bye and let them know that you will be back. When you continue to show them that you come back with time the separtion anxiety will improve.



(22 Oct '09, 19:57) Tammy ♦♦

+1 for the "obvious" comment that she may just need to be held. Some babies need more physical contact (my first was like this, but not my second or third). Probably day care isn't a great option for babies like this, but if that is what you have to do, you might need to find one that is on board with babywearing or holding them a lot.

(22 Oct '09, 22:35) Emily

If this daycare is new to her that might be why she's crying. Give it a month or 2. You are paying them to take care of her... don't worry about it frustrating the day-mom.

Does she take a pacifier? They are suppose to soothe themselves with them...my boys never liked them.


answered 22 Oct '09, 15:52

Mommy%20trial%20and%20error's gravatar image

Mommy trial and error
accept rate: 4%

Great point about the daycare being a new environment that might need some adjusting to.

(22 Oct '09, 15:56) Dinah

Thank you for the response. She is not very interested in her pacifier either. She has been at the daycare for about 2 & 1/2 weeks.

(22 Oct '09, 16:31) Prea
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Asked: 22 Oct '09, 15:35

Seen: 9,219 times

Last updated: 23 Oct '09, 11:33