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At what age should a daughter no longer take a shower with her father?

[ In theory, I imagine the question could be equally asked about sons/mothers, but somehow it seems more significant for a daughter/father. ]

Thanks in advance.

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Closing this as it's been discussed to death. – Scott♦ Feb 5 at 23:00
Discussed to death? There are only 7 answers and a total of 4 comments, none of which has been modified for weeks. Am I missing something? Personally, I would prefer that questions stay open indefinitely -- you never know when a new user will have a fresh take on it and a helpful answer -- unless the traffic has devolved into complete irrelevance or are inappropriate, which doesn't appear to have happened here. (Or is there something we can't see?) – lgritz Feb 6 at 7:34
@Igritz: It keeps getting bumped by inappropriate posts that we have to delete. – Scott♦ Feb 6 at 11:58

closed as no longer relevant by Scott♦♦ Feb 5 at 22:59

7 Answers

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I would say between 4 - 5 years but I think it really depends alot on each child and their own level of awareness. Nursery or Playschool helps in that they encouraged to become more independant with regard to bathroom activities so that could guide you too.

Its about the bond and between you and your daughter and making sure that it continues once you stop taking a shower together. Combing her hair, drying her off, etc will enable you to continue the process. Hope this made sense for you !

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1 
 Thanks for the quick answer. Really, as young as that? My 5yo daughter is certainly aware of the difference between boys and girls, but of course there is no clue about sexuality. It's just that: 1. we seem to be so time constrained that doing it together is just easier. 2. she - and my 2yo son - always want to shower with us parents when either of us go in to take a shower. Whaddya think? Thanks, – David Sep 25 at 12:00
1 
 How old is your daughter by the way and does she attend any type of daycare or pre-school? Time is a major factor I guess, and even though we have only one, we too are sometimes pressed for time. Our daughter turned 5 this June, and even though she showers herself, with and without our support, we found that on holiday after coming out of the sea at the end of the day she would shower with whoever was taking a shower first for practical reasons so I guess my answer would be that in your case it would make more sense to continue as you are for the time being. – Emi Sep 25 at 14:31
Hi Emi, thanks. My daughter is 5 and attends pre-school; here in Thailand, they call it K-1 through K-3 before primary school, etc. This all makes me a feel a bit better, thanks again. – David Sep 28 at 4:51
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It's also largely based on culture. I know some Japanese families where the daughter was still showering with her father at age 15 (this was exceptional, normally it's probably around 10 or 12). But Japan has a culture of public bathing and acceptance of nudity that in the US seems to be viewed as immoral (unfortunately).

So the short answer is, when you feel uncomfortable showering with your daughter you should probably not shower with her anymore.

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I wouldn't actually go in the shower with my daughter, I would help her bathe from outside and all that, but I wouldn't feel comfortable being in the shower with her.

I'm having a son, and I think I'll feel the same though.

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In theory, I imagine the question could be equally asked about sons/mothers, but somehow it seems more significant for a daughter/father.

I think that sort of displays that your concern is less about the mental health/etc of the child and more about your personal hangups with respect to naked bodies (in other words this is about you and not about the kid). Young kids generally don't find naked bodies to be sexual, they're just naked bodies (or to misquote Freud: "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar"). My thought would be more along the lines of "kids should learn to wash themselves" at some point (just as they should learn to use the toilet and tie their own shoes) and less about concern of naked bodies.

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 I disagree. In our culture, when you mention older male, child, and nudity together, alarms go off for a lot of people. You have the very real concern of someone overhearing your daughter casually mention this aspect of life and a bystander flipping out, or worse, calling the police or child services. When it comes to claims of child sexual abuse by anyone with or without basis, the male is automatically assumed to be suspect in many people's minds and it's an proving a negative is almost impossible. – Dinah Oct 19 at 15:40
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We have 4 children ages: 5 girl, 3 boy, 2 girl, and 6 mo boy. I have generally been the one to shower with the kids in the morning, as my wife has usually been tired from either being pregnant or nursing (God Bless her). Today we decided that the 5 year old needs to shower on her own or with mom. We dont feel there is any sexual reason. We just dont want to make that decision too late and she is fully capable of that part of the morning ritual on her own. I will continue to do all of the other "getting ready things" to keep our bonding and relational time intact. DAD

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Doesn't it also depend on what the child feels? I don't have experience of this (my oldest isn't 5 yet), but I imagine that at some age she will want to do things on her own, if only because she's a 'big girl', and not for any 'sexual' reasons.

To be honest, since we started bathing our two daughters together, there isn't really room for me in there anyway!

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My daughters (5, 5, and 4) generally shower as a group with my son (1) but on the weekends they sometimes join my wife and I if we're pressed for time or they've gotten dirty. We don't make a big deal of it and they've been doing it since they were babies.

Now that they're old enough (except the boy) I don't touch their bits--they know that no one should except themselves--and they lost interest in my parts long ago.

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