My husband and I have been trying to conceive for the last six months. It is not working so far and we are getting desperate. I am 38 years old and my husband 36. We did not had any children so far.

We have been carefully checking the best dates to conceive, but it has not been successful yet.

The gynaecologist says I look fine.

Would you have any recommendation?

Thank you all for your help. This has given me hope and a plan of action!

asked 05 Nov '09, 14:50

user-659%20%28yahoo%29's gravatar image

user-659 (yahoo)
accept rate: 0%

edited 06 Nov '09, 11:13

My wife and I tried for 7 years and saw 3 different fertility doctors before we successfully conceived. We're happy parents to a 3 year old daughter today.

My suggestions:

  • Relax. I can't stress how important this is.
  • Chart your basal body temperature to learn your cycle.
  • Have more sex at the right times.
  • Eat right and be healthy.
  • Get a referral to a good fertility doctor.
  • Make sure you're both checked out – it takes two to tango.

Best of luck!


answered 05 Nov '09, 15:01

Chris%20W.%20Rea's gravatar image

Chris W. Rea
accept rate: 34%


I would like to add one thing. If you are at all overweight, that can make it more difficult to get pregnant. I tried for several months to get pregnant with my son with no success. I changed my diet, lost 10 pounds and got pregnant very soon after.

(05 Nov '09, 15:03) mkcoehoorn

@mkcoehoorn: Excellent point.

(05 Nov '09, 15:06) Chris W. Rea

Are you sure that you're ovulating? If you haven't read it, get a copy of Toni Weschler's "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" (awesome book--should be required reading for every pubescent girl). It will guide you through analyzing your temps and CM to figure out if you are indeed ovulating. If you are ovulating, testing your BBTs will give you more info about WHEN you ovulate (few women actually ovulate on d14).

In the meantime, I would go ahead and make an appointment with a Reproductive Endocrinologist. They are going to be a better resource than an OB/GYN. I know that many people suggest trying for a full year before getting help, but you're 38, and you don't have as much time for trial and error as a 25 year-old. You may need something as simple as Clomid to help you ovulate, or you may learn that your husband is the source of your infertility. No matter the cause, a Reproductive Endocrinologist will help you figure it out.

My moms group is comprised of a group of women, aged 33-37. Out of the 7 women, 4 of us were infertile and needed help getting pregnant. It's really common, especially of women in their 30s. We conceived our son through IVF, and a close friend is going through her first IVF cycle this week. Help is out there, if you're willing to ask for it.



answered 05 Nov '09, 15:34

BetsyB's gravatar image

accept rate: 12%

That is a great book!

(06 Nov '09, 09:02) Melissa 1

Many people take a year or longer to conceive, especially for the first time. I would try taking all the steps that everyone else has suggested.

This was my infertility experience: In Canada, we have to wait out the full year before we can get a referral to a fertility doctor. And before the fertility doctor would see us, we had to submit a sample from my husband to rule him out as a possible cause first. Once we confirmed that the problem was not my husband, I had to have a bunch of blood work done at specific times of my cycle to check my hormone levels and give a pretty detailed list of my cycles. At my 1st fertility appointment, my doctor said that he did not believe I was ovulating, as seen by my bloodwork, and I was prescribed clomid to start immediately. About 10 days later, he did an ultrasound to confirm that I had eggs and two weeks after that, I found out that I was pregnant (and later found out it was twins).

So it could be an easy fix. I just wanted to add that I was 27 when I saw my fertility doctor, and of average weight, with no health problems. So it might not be a problem related to weight or health or even age, it might just be something simple with your body.

I have a friend who went through the same process as me, and she was just slightly overweight, but they could not find any problem with her. She had success with IUI (Intrauterine insemination).

There are lots of options available to you, and many women are now having children into their 40's so you do still have time left! Good luck!


answered 05 Nov '09, 17:52

Shannon%20B's gravatar image

Shannon B
accept rate: 9%

  • You're only 1/2 of the equation. Has your husband been checked out for sperm count/health?

  • Regarding time: most experts define infertility as not being able to get pregnant after at least one year of trying. [link] Ie: after only 6 months, I wouldn't get too freaked out. Apparently this varies some by age and is shorter as for women over 35. See comment below by ceejayoz.

  • Here are some tips for increasing your odds: []

  • Diet can also have an effect. Get the right vitamins and try cutting back on caffeine and alcohol. [link]

  • When we were last trying to conceive, we bought a Basil Thermometer like this one and it wasn't expensive at all (~$10)


answered 05 Nov '09, 15:00

Dinah's gravatar image

accept rate: 15%

edited 05 Nov '09, 20:45


Very good call on the husband checkout. That wound up being our problem - I am infertile. Regarding time, though, Wikipedia says the definition of infertile shifts from 12 mos to 6 mos for women over 35.

(05 Nov '09, 20:39) ceejayoz

Another tip my doctor gave me was not too try too much. He told us we should try every 48 hours or so, to make sure that his sperm was concentrated. He said do NOT try any more often than every 24 hours. Some people think that if they have sex constantly or reallly frequently that it will improve their odds and its quite the opposite.


answered 06 Nov '09, 04:03

dreamerisme's gravatar image

accept rate: 8%

I think this depends on how much your health care costs and how much you can afford. Over here in the UK the NHS like you to wait a year, but will do the tests sooner if you badger them and they are more likly to do it sooner for women over 35.

I have Azoospermia which can be picked up from a simple sperm test and no amount of waiting makes it go away. We waited a whole year before getting tested and I wish I hadn't now, sperm donation and IVF takes forever to arrange and the sooner you can get started the better.


answered 06 Nov '09, 11:28

Azoospermia%20Man's gravatar image

Azoospermia Man
accept rate: 0%

edited 06 Nov '09, 11:41

Take your temp same time every day you will soon see a pattern emerge of when your temp spikes (ovulation) jump to it within 12 hours

Good luck


answered 05 Nov '09, 20:20

Phil%20Seller's gravatar image

Phil Seller
accept rate: 9%


A spike in temp means you've ALREADY ovulated, and are probably too late for conception. Charting temps will simply tell you if you ARE ovulating, and help to pinpoint when you might optimally conceive NEXT month (ie the days before ovulation).

(06 Nov '09, 18:23) BetsyB

Yes sorry thats what i ment

(08 Nov '09, 08:18) Phil Seller

Phil, you can edit your answer to make it clearer what you mean

(21 Jan '10, 17:33) Rich Seller
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Asked: 05 Nov '09, 14:50

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Last updated: 06 Mar '15, 19:37