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I am trying to get my mother to stop telling my children that certain toys/roles/jobs etc are for boys only/girls only. I have tried asking her both subtly and directly to no avail.

I am now hearing my 2.5 year old telling his 1 year old sister "no Sissy you can't do that, only boys do that..."

Suggestions?

asked 17 Nov '09, 01:25

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Krista
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edited 23 Apr '10, 18:31

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Tammy ♦♦
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This reminds me of my situation with my mother, who insists on over-feeding my daughter despite my incessant protests and pleas. If you come up with a solution for mothers who poo-poo your (very valid) concerns, let me know :)

(17 Nov '09, 03:18) YMCbuzz

Find examples that disprove her. A woman who plays football. A man who is a stay at home dad. The more she respects them or admires them, the better. If you can prove someone she idolizes breaks the stereotypes it will be more difficult for her to continue to insist on adhering to them.

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answered 17 Nov '09, 05:25

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I love this one. Words pale next to actions and what you see in the real world.

(17 Nov '09, 14:33) Dinah

Is it possible to tell the child your opposing viewpoint in front of the grandma? Perhaps that could be a valuable lesson that not all adults say/do the right things, and that it's best to raise our voices to speak out? Plus any "Yeah, Grandma! Boys can play with this too!" might be just the public shaming coming from a child she needs to decide that she's tired of fighting that particular battle.

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answered 17 Nov '09, 06:08

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TheGoriWife 1
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+1 encouraging a child to answer back about stereotyping!

(17 Nov '09, 07:42) Emi
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Be sure to not encourage rudeness and back talking. Is having a good point is hard to tell apart from being mouthy for a small child?

(17 Nov '09, 18:07) MrChrister

Take your mother by the hand, look her square in the eye and say:

"As long as you're under MY roof you're going to obey MY rules. Got it?"

...or whatever lame line they used to beat you over the head with when you were a kid.

I recommend injecting a little humor into it as this seems to help. ;-)

I've also used the line:

Keep it up grandma... I'll spank you BOTH!

Seriously, humor goes a looooong way sometimes. Be creative, be different, be shocking. :-)


If you like, I'd be happy to give your mother a call and have a talk with her. (That should be shocking, no?) Ha ha ha

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answered 17 Nov '09, 05:50

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+1 for humor. Make sure your kid understands it's humor though. If they see you disrespecting your parents, it sends a message.

(17 Nov '09, 13:43) Dinah

I would have a serious heart-to-heart with your mother, especially if this isn't the only line she crosses. I would ask her to respect my parenting approach, and part of that approach is that I don't define gender roles as she does. I'm perfectly OK with my daughter playing with footballs and my son playing dress up (or whatever). If she can't respect your approach to parenting, then she doesn't get to spend time with the kids. If she doesn't agree, you can talk about why you make the decisions you do, or you could just make it a hard and fast rule (though I'm not sure how beneficial this will be). Ultimately, they're your children, your responsibility to raise as you see fit, and grandma needs to understand that.

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answered 17 Nov '09, 17:16

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Fun2Dream
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It really depends on how much this is bothering you. If you are really upset then you need to be forceful with your mother and tell her that if she cannot abide by your parenting style/rules then she is not allowed to be around your kids.

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answered 17 Nov '09, 01:29

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+1 If my kid doesn't listen, there will be consequences. If my mother doesn't listen there will be consequences.

(17 Nov '09, 18:09) MrChrister
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Asked: 17 Nov '09, 01:25

Seen: 2,444 times

Last updated: 23 Apr '10, 18:31