I thought i would ask this as there seems to be a lot of helpful dads on here, My partner and myself have two children a 2 1/2 yr old and a 4 month old. My partner works 5 days a week leaving the house at 8 and getting home at about 7 ish. I'm currently on maternity leave due to return to work after christmas and i see to the children day and night and do everything around the house. This wasnt so bad with just one child, but i'm worried i will struggle returning to work completly worn out. How can i get him to help out without nagging, because that definatly does not work with him? Or are you all just naturally helpfull dads?
P.s he is a very loving daddy he just doesnt see anything that needs doing, and say's he can't hear them at night
asked 17 Nov '09, 14:09
I wouldn't set it out as a general problem - I'd just ask for help with specific things:
Each of these is a lot less threatening than a general dressing down of "we need to talk, you need to help out more."
It's definitely possible to ask for specific things without nagging. Asking in a bright, cheery, almost off-hand kind of way will probably help it to feel less like a criticism, too. Hopefully after a while he'll take some jobs upon himself.
Is there some regular aspect of childcare you could ask him to take on in a "giving him more bonding time" way? Perhaps something on Saturday mornings, so you could catch up on a bit of sleep?
EDIT: I've just told my wife about this question, and her answer was: "Just don't do any housework. Eventually he'll do it instead. Worked brilliantly for me!"
I deny any charges of doing significant amounts of housework, of course.
This is one of those things that I didn't get for a long time, even though people with successful marriages keep telling it to you over and over:
answered 17 Nov '09, 14:36
Step 1 would be talking to him. Explain to him what you explained to us: work load is about to increase, you're both going to be working, and you need help.
Don't attack him with it though. Lay it out as a problem that needs solving and you want him to help you work out the solution.
I don't know your husband, but most men think in terms of solving problems. Have you ever had a conversation where you want to express your bad day and have someone listen, but he tries to tell you how to fix it instead of trying to talk with you? That's the natural response for many men, so it seems like a natural place to start here.
answered 17 Nov '09, 14:32
Firstly, simply asking him to do specific tasks will probably work. Speaking for myself, I'm usually happy to do any housework my wife asks for, but I'm rubbish at noticing which things need doing myself. It would be nice if us men did some thinking occasionally but sometimes we are really that bad.
Secondly, having specific responsibilities for evening chores can help a lot. For example, it's always my job to put the bins out (a classic), give the kids a bath and put the bread machine on, so I can manage that without any nagging.
answered 17 Nov '09, 22:25