When my sister was pregnant with her 2nd kid, she reflected on all of the unsolicited advice she got on round 1. Before the baby was born, her husband sent out an email to everyone asking for their advice on baby names and child rearing. The email was in the form of a contest. The winner of the contest assumed responsibility for hospital bills, college tuition, etc.

The humor was well received by all: no one else is raising the kid or paying the bills for the kid. The parents are and they're making all the decisions.

Since it was a blanket statement, no one person or point of view got targeted. They still refer back to that in jest when people give them advice they don't want. Humor really helps to take the edge off.

Be respectful of their opinions and try to start by finding common ground - don't make enemies with them.

Gloss over the smaller points of contention and only make a fuss over the fundamentals. Lead by example in these areas - explain what you are doing and why you are doing it that way to the child, and let the grandparents and inlaws hear you. Be subtle.

Above all, remember that you are going to need them to babysit for you, so keep it nice !-)

You need to be clear what you expect from them when they baby sit. Don't be mean, but don't beat around the bush. It's a little bit of an odd situation, because of the previous relation that you have with parents being they were in charge at one point in time, but that has changed, and both you and they need to realize that.

My in laws have differing opinions about how children should be raised from my wife and I, and they are very nice and understand our views. That being said, we have explained to them that we are the parents of the child and we know best. We told them that we appreciate their opinion, but at the end of the day it is our decision and they are not to interfere with what decisions we make.

On a side note, remember it is nice to have them baby sit, but your responsibility is to protect the best interests of your child. If that means they don't get to see the kids without you being around, then that is what it has to be.

My mother and my mother-in-law are very passivly annoying when it comes to parenting. I say that in a playful way. :)

We don't live near them so when they visit we give ourselves a pep-talk with senario's we know will unavoidably happen and try to gracefully allow "grandparent exceptions." Then it takes about a week for our kids to re-adjust, but overall I think it works out fine.

I try to remember that they have loving intentions in mind and afterall we were raised by them and we're doing okay. :)

If they live by you then that might be an entirely different story! Then you might have to figure out a way to just discuss the issues and get them out of othe way so they don't keep coming up over and over again.

P.S. How else do you find out that your 8 month old is allergic to milk if the grandma doesn't give him a little bit! My son broke out in hives, but he's still alive and now we know!