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I have two girls, one 2 and the other 5 (years). The 5 year old has been taught that we don't hit and take toys. We are still working on that with the two year old.

I am starting to notice a disturbing trend. My two year old will bully my 5 year old (taking toys, pushing to get a chair etc.

My 5 year old does not want to retaliate (because we have taught her not to hit), so she immediately goes to Mom and Dad for recourse. (Basically tattling, but she does not see it that way.) Up till now, we usually try to figure out who was at fault and take action.

I am now seeing that my two year old will bully my 5 year old until my 5 year old goes for help, and then she stops. I want her to not hit, take toys, push etc at all. What I am getting is a 2 year old who hits, pushes and takes toys, but stops short of getting told on.

Any ideas on how to fix this?

asked 05 Jul '10, 21:04

Vaccano's gravatar image

Vaccano
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accept rate: 33%

edited 05 Jul '10, 21:06

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Tammy ♦♦
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In my experience, you have to let your 5 year old know that she doesn't have to put up with this from her little sister and help her find ways to deal with it without retaliating. If her little sister tries to take her toy, she says "No!", and leaves the room with the toy (shutting herself in her bedroom is great, drives the younger one nuts! I was the younger one, my big sisters did that to me all the time, but I quit trying to take stuff from them).

If you help her to understand that she can use playing with her little sister as a reward for good behaviour, and ignoring her and going to play by herself as "punishment" for hitting and pushing (or whatever you think will work in your family), you'll actually be doing your whole family a favour.

Your older daughter will learn to stand up for herself (which is actually what this is all about), your younger daughter will learn at a young age that if you act like a jerk nobody will want to play with you, and you and your wife won't still be refereeing their fights when they are in their 30's.

It's their sibling relationship. I think as parents it's our job to give them the tools to make it a good one, and then stay the heck out of it. (As long as nobodies bleeding.)

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answered 07 Jul '10, 00:25

Neen's gravatar image

Neen
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accept rate: 30%

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+1 Like the comment about giving them the tools for sibling relationships.

(07 Jul '10, 02:28) K D

Fantastic answer! Thanks.

(15 Jul '10, 14:40) Vaccano
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Asked: 05 Jul '10, 21:04

Seen: 2,861 times

Last updated: 07 Jul '10, 00:25