This may be a funny inquiry, but I'm wondering if any other parents out there fear dying more so now that they're a parent than they did before?

I never used to fear dying. Having lost my father to cancer at 54, I always knew death could come knocking at anyone's "door" at any time and would always think that it would definitely suck if it happened to me sooner rather than later, but never actually was afraid to die.

However, now that I have a child, I find myself thinking all the time, "What would happen if I were to die?" and even more specifically because my husband and I are going on a trip in January without our child, "What would happen if both my husband and I died?" I know my son would be taken care of by family, but I often feel this fear and sense of guilt when I think of dying that I never felt before- is this normal? Is it weird that I have these thoughts?

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asked 27 Nov '10, 15:55

DazedandConfused's gravatar image

accept rate: 13%


+1 Weird or not I too have had those thoughts. Did you see this earlier question? http://moms4mom.com/questions/3584/what-to-do-when-i-die

(28 Nov '10, 10:53) Emi

I'm not sure if these thoughts are weird or abnormal... but you are not alone. I find myself consumed by the same thoughts sometimes. The fact that you are not only responsible for yourself but another human being can sure fill your mind with all sorts of negative ideas. A parent always want whats best their your baby and to think that you might not be around take care of them is scary.
Having said that... I do feel that children also pick up on their parents emotions and fears. Think happy thoughts and happy outcomes will follow. I guess we just have to think positively and have faith that things always work out for the best.

Enjoy your trip in Jan :) Good luck.

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answered 28 Nov '10, 02:33

Amrita's gravatar image

accept rate: 25%

+1 Really well put :)

(28 Nov '10, 10:42) Emi

I am going through that right now. My husband just died at the beginning of December. It was a big shock and increased my fears of dying and leaving our daughter behind. I am going to create a will now and have my wishes written down, so my daughter would be taken care of by a sibling. I am creating a letter to her about her daddy and about myself, for her to read when she is older.
It is really hard because she is only 2 and does not understand where her daddy is. She is very clingy now and always wants me by her. Is there anyone out there that has gone through losing a spouse?

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answered 27 Dec '10, 04:49

Betsy%201's gravatar image

Betsy 1
accept rate: 10%

Our condolences Betsy. I can't imagine what you must be going through.

(27 Dec '10, 19:23) Tammy ♦♦

So sorry to hear about your husband, my condolences to you and your daughter.

(27 Dec '10, 19:31) DazedandConfused

I'm so sorry for your loss Betsy. My older boys and I lived with my sister for 6 years until her sudden death 8 years ago. So I get waiting for someone to get home who won't ever be coming back. And I get not having the words to explain why he won't be coming home to your daughter, my oldest son was 10 and has never been the same since. At the time my Uncle told me that losing someone that important to you was like losing your hand, I'd heal, I'd learn new ways to do things I'd taken for granted before, but to never kid myself that it would get better. (cont)

(28 Dec '10, 17:02) Neen

(cont) Like an amputation, it wasn't going to get better, but it would become normal. He was right, after about a eight months I didn't cry everyday anymore, more like once a week, and now it's maybe once a month (except this month, Christmas kicks my butt). Good luck to both of you.

(28 Dec '10, 17:25) Neen

I think it's pretty universal for parents who don't have their heads firmly inserted in their posteriers. It does get easier as they get older though, you kind of grow out of it as they get older and become more independant. (I was almost completely done worring about dying and leaving my older boys while they still needed me, and then I had my daughter and started all over again. Sigh.)

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answered 02 Dec '10, 14:06

Neen's gravatar image

accept rate: 30%

Not so much the fear of death (not until you mentioned it anyway), but I have a growing feeling and acceptance of decay. While my wife was pregnant I would have to walk slower with her, we wouldn't go on hikes and bike rides together... Now that the little 'un is here (and 7 months old), I'm the home parent so don't walk as far as I used to or bike to work. In the future he'll be walking and I'll need to walk at his pace, we'll play games and I'll have to adjust to his pace and ability...

I'm getting my head around the fact that it's part of life, and that, evolutionarily, my job is done and I less need to be fit and attractive anymore!

My wife and I have discussed the "what if we're not here" and have communicated our wishes to family and friends. In the process of writing a will. I'm also a lot more careful about crossing roads, whether with our without the kid.

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answered 18 Jan '11, 06:18

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Andy 2
accept rate: 50%

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Asked: 27 Nov '10, 15:55

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Last updated: 18 Jan '11, 06:18